Hey Port Hole, Get Lost!

The Port Hole Lounge holds no sentimental value to Chris. In fact, he has never even been there. The shirt has a picture on the back of a squirrel with some rather large nuts. This, and the fact that the shirt is the perfect fit, are reasons enough that it should be worn to every event we attend. The dresser drawers are overflowing with t-shirts, the closet is lined with collared shirts, but the Port Hole Lounge shirt is the go-to garment. Am I exaggerating? Let's take a look at the evidence.

Playing air guitar at the REO Speedwagon concert, kickin' back with Fred Isaac and the Suwanee locals, NOT cheering on the Noles, signing Mayhem's cast, nursing a sunburn in the Bahamas, hanging with my brother at my nephew's football game... The shirt is becoming a sort of uniform for hanging out. What happened to the "Doug's Towing" shirt, the "Jesus surfs without a board" shirt, the "Fo' sheezy, I'm wheezy" inhaler tee. The only shirt that has given Port Hole a run for it's money is the Bayside Tigers heather gray tee, with armpit holes the size of my fist. What to do?

I believe a Thrift Store date is in order. I'll ask him out tonight and I know he'll fall in love with me all over again just for suggesting it. We'll go to The Thrift Store on Atlantic Blvd, the place is a gold mine. You pay cash, so we only take what we are willing to spend. Usually we can get out of there under $25. There's a catch though...the 3 Sneeze Rule. Once we've entered the Thrift Store, we start working as fast as we can. Chris in men's and me in the little boys section, (kids shirt's fit me better since they don't have a women's t-shirt rack.) I can hear him sneezing from anywhere in the store. With each sneeze, our eyes meet, and we know our time is quickly running out. On the third sneeze, we put down the double XL shirt (that we were secretly hoping they had in our size somewhere in the back) and head to the checkout line. Sneezing will undoubtedly continue. If sneezes were contractions, he would be crowning before the clerk could give us our change. Once we get to the car, the hand sanitizer is quickly dispersed and then we talk the whole way home about what incredible finds we have and how overpriced the Thrift Store is getting.

Your days are numbered, Port Hole.