Duck Duck.....Dead

The Muscovy Duck (Cairina moschata) is a large duck which is native to Mexico and Central and South America. There are feral breeding populations in North America in and around public parks in nearly every state of the USA, and unfortunately down San Jose Blvd near the YMCA and Bank of America, close to Oak Bluff. All Muscovy Ducks have long claws on their feet and a wide flat tail. They are both ugly and disgusting. I can't stand the way they look and only wish they would disappear (one kind of did). Apparently they are also terrible fliers. How do I know this....well last Tuesday at 7:00am while I was heading down San Jose on the way to work, one of these idiot birds flew right into the driver side window of my Tahoe as I was cruising at 50mph. Out of the corner of my eye I saw this black mass coming at me very quickly...too tired to swerve I stuck it out. One cracked side mirror and dented front fender later, I turned back around and found, to my surprise, a dead Muscovy Duck. Unbelievable....who flies right into a fast moving SUV?

The carcass of a Muscovy Duck is much heavier than most other domestic ducks. Although ideal for the dinner table, not so good for resale value on a trade-in. Although there was limited blood splatter there were some feathers, hair, and some sort of goo found on my window and between the black trim on the side mirror.

I'm not quite sure of the attraction, perhaps it's my scent, perhaps it's my compassion for animals that attracts them to me....or perhaps I'm duck bait as MW thinks. Regardless, less than one week after I destroyed one Muscovy I almost took out another as it flew right in front of me while I was driving down Wells Rd. I couldn't believe it!

Onward and Outward

We've been married a little over 3 years, welcomed 2 delightful and well behaved dogs into our home, and traveled to such exotic locations such as Costa Rica and Boise, but now the true adventure begins. When you combine my sick and twisted sense of humor, double jointedness, ability to remember important dates, and large cow eyes with Chris' offbeat and often off color sense of humor, unique singing voice, deep set belly button, small almond eyes, and heightened metabolism, what do you get? A child of God! Yes the Lord has blessed us with an amazing gift, which we will try our very best not to embarrass on a daily basis. But for the next 28 weeks we need to get everything out of our system. So, here is Chris simulating my baby bump. (This picture was made possible, in part, to the recent opening of a Jimmy Johns Sandwich Shop, a Weaver hotspot!)

Despite a spike in sandwich consumption, Chris still maintains his constant 175lbs. I try to explain to Chris that weight gain is an essential part of pregnancy, but he's under the false assumption that I should be the only one tipping the scale over the next several months. The baby is totally on my side though. Look at this cute little fatty. (You may need to double click on the picture to enlarge, or you might just want to grab some glasses.) This picture was taken at 8 weeks with the use of a high powered wand and some belly lube. Four weeks later we heard the heartbeat and are currently anticpating our next sonogram at 5 months. That's when we can really get a good look at what our offspring is going to look like. At that time, we'll strictly be focusing on non-gender specific features. There will be no ring test to determine the sex either, cause we all know that the ring test carries the same accuracy as a sonogram, and we wouldn't want to ruin the surprise!

The Security Deposit

After a year as landlords, our renter's lease was up and it was time to inspect the house and prepare it for it's next tenants. We had collected one months security deposit as well as a non-refundable pet fee. We weren't sure what to expect on May 1st. Would the place be clean, need fresh paint, some light landscaping? I don't want to bore you with the unending list of things to be cleaned and fixed. What I can say is that for some reason, these 4 adults decided to leave the filthy carpets, broken windows, dirty walls, and cigarette butts, yet they thoroughly cleaned both bathrooms. People can be so peculiar. It only took about 2 minutes to determine that the security deposit would not be returned. What kind of damage can a old war vet, his daughter, her boyfriend, the boyfriend's Tropical Smoothie co-worker, and 2 puppies inflict on a 1350 square foot house? Nothing an old, left behind Honda dirt bike and a set of 15 lb weights couldn't make up for! Renters, consider us square.

"Not sure what this goes to. Probably the fuel. or oil tank, or something. Oh well."

Chris Weaver: landlord, handy man, biker.